Every day is opening night.

“Losing My Mind”

Ladies and gents,

It has been a trying couple of weeks. I’ve made rather embarrassing errors in the last two columns, first misspelling my old friend Warren Beatty‘s name (whom I apologized to privately, but felt I needed to publicly recognize the mistake) and then doing to same to Audra McDonald in my last column. The back-to-back bloopers have led many readers to question not just my editorial process but also my well being.

The problem began last month when a shouting match with an ex-lover’s doorman escalated into a shoving match. I lunged at the man with such force that, when he stepped out of the way, I managed to fling myself clear across the lobby and onto the floor, where my shoulder and face took the brunt of the impact. I was humiliated by the episode (which didn’t make the papers only because of the kindness of my dear friends at Page Six, who not only were tipped off but were also sent security camera footage of the entire incident from an anonymous source), and kept it a secret from everyone save for my physician who put me on a healthy dose of opioid painkillers and suggested bed rest. The painkillers I took. The bed rest I didn’t. So, needless to say, I’ve been a bit fuzzy-headed over the past few weeks, and my work has clearly suffered. But I’ve regained seventy-percent of the range-of-motion on my left side, and I’m finally clear of the painkillers. So from now on, if you see any misspelled names, blame my trusty assistant and proofreader, Timmy Blupe!

Tidbits from around town…

Saw Fred Norris, from “The Howard Stern Show,” whistling the tune of “Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy” while walking along West 38th Street.

Witnessed Faye Dunaway asking about the difference between an iPad and iPod at the Apple store on West 14th Street.

Overheard Maggie Gyllenhaal, at the Sundance Institute Theatre Program Benefit, turn down an interview request from an US Weekly reporter with her usual charm and candor: “US Weekly? No, I’m sorry, I can’t talk to you.”

As always, a toast of something sparkling to you and yours!