Every day is opening night.

The Kinsey Sicks

The Kinsey Sicks

The Kinsey Sicks are bringing their outrageously funny and über topical new show, Things You Shouldn’t Say, to New York and audiences are busting guts all over the Soho Playhouse. Hailing from San Francisco, this bawdy troupe features some high-level talent: Ben Schatz as Rachel, Nathan Marken as Winnie, Jeff Manabat as Trixie and Spencer Brown as Trampolina. When the boys sat down with us for On The Couch, the girls answered the questions.

What do you consider to be your best asset?

Trampolina: My sophistication.

Rachel: Indefatigable desperation.

What was your proudest moment?

Rachel: When Hillary Clinton became the first woman President. That’s my reality and it’s gonna get me through the next few years.

Trixie: When I looked in the mirror this morning.

Winnie: Getting a bargain deal on organic free-range tofu at Whole Foods last week.

What is your favorite drink?

Rachel: Ryan Gosling.

What is your favorite food?

Rachel: Ryan Gosling.

Winnie: Pizza-less quinoa pizza with a side of cruelty-free kale.

What is your favorite condiment?

Rachel: Ryan Gosling.

Trampolina: I prefer lubricated condiments.

What is your current obsession?

Trampolina: Calvin Klein’s Obsession. Is there another one? Is there? Is there?

Trixie: Convincing Grindr to add a filter for both total assets and remaining life expectancy (<1 year preferred).

Winnie: Ruth Bader Ginsberg. I have a poster of her above my bed. I’m sometimes so aroused I find it difficult to sleep.

If you could give up one of your vices, what would it be?

Trixie: The guilt I feel from loving all of my vices.

What is the one professional accomplishment you long for most?

Rachel: Lack of poverty.

What is the one activity you waste too much time doing?

Rachel: Refraining from masturbation

What do you consider to be the single greatest threat to your health?

Winnie: Paul Ryan, Mitch McConnell, and Mike Pence.

Trampolina: This questionnaire.

What is the single best trait you inherited or learned from your parents?

Rachel: Necrophilia.

Trampolina: My mama taught me both the things I know: 1) How to use an Easy Bake Oven to set up my own personal meth lab and 2) What was the question?

Winnie: Before I reached puberty, my parents taught me the most practical thing of all: how to birth a breeched cow while circular breathing and singing all the verses of “Love Shack.”

What is the single worst trait you inherited or learned from your parents?

Trampolina: Nothing! My Mama taught me the value of hard work and defecation.

What in the world most thrills you?

Trampolina: Electrical outlets.

Winnie: I can’t tell you how thrilling it is to watch Ted Cruz squirm when asked questions about his hypocritical voting choices.

What is your favorite place in the world?

Rachel: Waking up every morning between Jared and Ivanka.

What is the most important trait you seek in a romantic partner?

Rachel: Still breathing. Preferably a mammal

Do you prefer the company of dogs or cats?

Rachel: What I do with my sex life is entirely my own business.

Trampolina: I had a fish named Dog. He died when I put too much Alpo in his bowl. So I’ll say cats.

What would have to happen to make today the best day of your life?

Trixie: If Melania Trump announces her divorce causing Donald Trump to have a nervous breakdown and quit politics; while Mike Pence reveals he’s gay, also quits politics, and preps his surprise audition on RuPaul’s Drag Race; then later the Supreme Court disqualifies the results of the 2016 presidential race and appoints Hillary Clinton as president; and you propose to me while revealing the impressively large digits of your numerous financial holdings, then and only then will that be the best day of my life.

What is your personal motto?

Trampolina: Huh?

Trixie: No pre-nups.