Every day is opening night.


Ladies and gents,

Like a star hung on that highest bough, my annual gift guide is one of the most enduring traditions of the holiday season. So, dear readers, enjoy!

What some people call passive-aggressive behavior, I call “making your point, politely.” This pocket-sized, leather-bound copy of the U.S. Constitution is the perfect stocking stuffer for the relative most likely to parrot Fox News talking points at your Christmas celebration. (That’s right, I said Christmas, and despite what your fake news-believing kin might think, there’s never been a war on it.) Honorable mentions in this category include gift subscriptions to the failing New York Times or Jeff Bezos’s Washington Post, an honorary donation to the ACLU, or – if you don’t mind being a bit on-the-nose, a copy of A Warning by everyone’s favorite faceless, nameless senior administration official.

Because even grown-ups deserve to have a little fun, Smythson has elevated game night with its handmade Grosvenor Triple Game Box. And lucky you, this obscenely expensive diversion is on deep discount thanks to Barneys New York’s massive going out of business sale. Is it still a ridiculous sum to pay for a chess, checkers, and dominoes set? You bet! Just remember that some sucker who bought the thing before the sale started paid a whole lot more.

As any self-respecting millennial with an Instagram account will tell you, experiences are the new objects. Less clutter, more envy-inducing snapshots. So consider giving someone the ultimate New York experience: tickets to the theatah! For a list of recommendations, just click the Clients tab. And don’t forget to have them tag me!

As the second most avid dog-lover among gossip columnists (Cindy Adams bests me again, damn her!), I know a thing or two about a thing or two when it comes to pet gifts. All the four-legged friends I know are buzzing about the Isabella Blush Dog Bed, which looks regal but is made for your beagle. Finally, a bed befitting my twin Scottish Terriers, Bill & Melinda Gates! Or, if you’re a more feline-focused fellow with similarly expensive taste (I’m looking at you, Andrew Lloyd Webber, whose furriest musical, CATS, has been adapted into the most delish cinematic event of the year!) consider this Asian-inspired Pet Bed Pagoda. Or, put those four-figures to better use by making a donation in your pet’s name to a great rescue organization like North Shore Animal League or Social Tees.

And to all, a good night!

Tidbits from around town…

Spotted Broadway mogul and fashionista Jordan Roth doing his best Grizabella at the world premiere of the new Cats movie. “Touch me!” I caterwauled. “Not on your life!” he shot back.

Caught Lou Dobbs slip off his barstool at East Side’s perennial temple of meat, Smith & Wollensky, before a staffer helped him back to his feet.

Overheard Evangeline Lilly, or a dead-ringer, at Orso, discussing a multilevel marketing scheme selling off-brand office supplies that her mother got herself involved in.

I’m off next week, so I’m wishing everyone the happiest of holidays. Stay safe, stay snug, and stay sane! And a hearty congratulations to Evan Hansen himself, young Andrew Barth Feldman, who has been admitted to Harvard. There is hope for the future.

As always, a toast of something sparkling to you and yours!