Every day is opening night.

“Ya Got Trouble”

Ladies and gents,

Well, I had planned to devote my entire column to Thursday night’s opening of The Glass Menagerie, which turned out to be one of my favorite evenings in recent memory. But the very next night, while bumming around my apartment, I got off my couch to find a snack and got a sharp pain in my lower abdomen. I collapsed within arm’s reach of my mobile and was able to call my doorman, Raffi. Raffi was able to hoist me onto a luggage cart and roll me downstairs and out to the curb, where a kindly Uber driver whisked me up to Bellevue’s ER. A bleaker place, you’ve never seen, but there was a very specific kind of urgent humanity everywhere you looked. I had hoped that one of the triage nurses might have been a loyal reader, upping my chances at a speedy exam. Well, no such luck. I now know the reason they call them patients. It was nearly 2am by the time I was finally seen by someone with a proper MD, though I had already been poked and prodded by a parade of comely young nurses of both genders. The diagnosis? Kidney stones. I was given shockwave therapy, which actually turned out to be a great deal of fun.

So, before you go cheering about the demise of Obamacare, just remember that you might have calcium deposits building up in you kidneys right now and when the time comes to pass a stone, you better hope you’re covered!

Tidbits from around town…

Overheard Valerie Simpson toasting producer Scott Sanders on his birthday.

Caught Ed Burns and his kids running around Tribeca in athleisure gear.

Overheard a midtown suit congratulating Stephen Colbert on his ratings boost.

As always, a toast of something sparkling to you and yours!